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Brumtuner

I just so happen to be a piano tuner with 30+yrs experience and live in SE Brum if that's of any help?

Brumtuner

I put a pure wool suit in storage once, 2 days later, all that was left was a hanger and 620,042 fat moths trying to take-off (the other lot died of morbid obesity). When it's dark, they breed every 14 seconds multiplying 5 billionfold within a day. I reckon all that'll be left of the piano will be ...

Brumtuner

If it stays on its side, the sap in the wrestplank will drain causing the tuning pins to shoot out like bullets, wrecking the top door and the container itself.

I hope Health & Safety have been notified.

Brumtuner

20th December, me too.

"Here you are son, this is for your birthday and Christmas - as they're close together."

Great.

Brumtuner

Right, I'm moving to Scotland.

Brumtuner

Perhaps it was named after the dulcet-toned fossil known as 'David'.

Brumtuner

I read somewhere that a steam iron on a damp cloth will fluff the carpet fibres back up.

The dents should make good putting practice. I'll have to buy a grand, move it, then take up golf and find out.

Brumtuner

There's 'posh', and there's 'name-dropping'.

Brumtuner

Heyyyyyyy, my Fazioli is lime green.

Brumtuner

As it's xmas, and she's bare-footed, it could be something really useful like a 240v chocolate kettle.

Brumtuner

Pleasure.

Brumtuner

Any good?

Brumtuner

Brasso.

Brumtuner

I agree, but the piano would probably get damaged with all those kids running about, and as for the water damage, it makes more sense to stick to the designated shower block.

Comparing thingummydoodles wouldn't be a problem though, unless the music teacher caught you.

Brumtuner

Davebrum, I'm not a West Brom fan. I don't do football - unless it were England playing in the World Cup final.

'Astle is King' was a piece of graffiti I spotted on a bridge a few years ago as I was busy getting lost in the Black Country - Halesudleystonhall way.

Brumtuner

Astle is King an' downt yow furgerrit like.

Brumtuner

Nr Sowleyull

Brumtuner

"Wim gewin ta Kiddy in tha new yee-a, so ya doh jus eeya it rown Dudley Grayt Brijj an Prinsizz End, ya know. Wi went ewt fa a meel in Brommitch laswick and nuffinks chainjd sins abeawt nineteen atey. Exept thez trammz now!" Let me guess.... You're from Lacarno road but were brung up in Oxbridgeshi...

Brumtuner

Yowm dead roight, its a doyalect yowsed by Tiptonians into slyvurry.

Brumtuner

Davebrum, how am yow gunna goo to a pub an ask furra veggie cow poi? My advoice is look at yer teef an ask yersen woi yow've got teef that appen to be bostin at cuttin through meat. Yow wuz desoigned to eat meat me owd mucka, yow dunt wanna become one of them pasty-faced whingin' veggies do ya? Naaa...

Brumtuner

Along with a sluggish action?

Brumtuner

'Let off' - Sexual?

You must have a very broad-minded missus.

Brumtuner

"anyone for a drink?"

I'll set-off by rail, soon.

Brumtuner

"what's a "kawai action bar?"

It's where the Kawai factory workers pop in after their shift for....

.... well, some 'action'.

Brumtuner

" I think Brumtuner meant 'don't touch the insides of the piano' to try and adjust anything, not 'don't play' the piano." Indeed. The soft pedal mechanism used nowadays (and for the last 100+ years) is rather useless in most cases. It's a half-blow job that is supposed to reduce the hammer impact on...

Brumtuner

Déja Vu

Brumtuner

My advice would be to inform the shop so they can let the tuner know in advance that it will take extra work/time other than the tuning itself.

My other advice is don't touch.

Brumtuner

Gill, Saturday's lotto numbers - pm them to me pls.

Brumtuner

Perhaps he took the blubber rail away for resetting. I usually charge about 350 quid for this service.

Ok, ok, just kidding, I only charge 250.

Brumtuner

Tell them it's 'Ivorine' a man-made substitute.

They're only American, after all.

Brumtuner

Here's a start...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piano_wire

Brumtuner

If they're a 'midrange piano', I don't fancy full-mooning a lower end range piano.

Brumtuner

I tuned a Weinbach today.

Thank goodness it's 6 months 'til I tune it again.

Nuff said.

Brumtuner

The piano will have to be up-ended so make a cardboard template of the side of one and see it will pass through the doorways. I reckon it'll go if you have the keyboard facing the right hand wall, wheeled straight into bathroom, front door then closed, and then one swoop through the 2 other doorways...

Brumtuner

I feel sorry for his milkman.

"More milk, the music of godlike warriors humming Oasis by an oasis which Himler sang there is a blonde girl to which a demigod of mega violet energy saving paranormal cascading down the long leg of a frauline Pauline and a loaf please."

Hope that didn't make sense.

Brumtuner

Heckscher and Fletcher&Newman sell them. Tell them which type you require (male, female or triangular). No need to tell them the make of piano as they're all the same. They're called 'lock keys' btw.

An old wardrobe key might fit.

Alternatively, let the little bu... children learn the hard way.

Brumtuner

Or... fold the top lid back and check the action is properly held in position with the 2 finger tabs seated correctly (or screws tightened). There maybe a centre thumbscrew, too. They're all at the top and easily get-atable. Alternatively, let your tech tell you it needs a total restoration and will...

Brumtuner

The winning bidder is selling this:

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Tudor-Farmhouse-s ... dZViewItem

Presumably to pay for the Danemann restoration.

Brumtuner

"Has your teacher got a grand ? "

I don't think fishing weights are that expensive!

Brumtuner

As I live halfway between Dundee and the buyer, you'd better keep it at my house, after it's restoration, obviously.

Brumtuner

Sparky, a sad loss to the used piano industry. I did a tuning or two for him over the years, jeeeez, what a cowboy! He used to drill holes through the top of the wrestplank and pour water in to make the pins tighter!

His real name was Sly. How apt.

He snuffed it btw.

Brumtuner

Soz, can't help you with that one, I don't play the piano, I just tune 'em.

Brumtuner

I dain't realoize Mad o'Rourke wuz still gowin'. Dain't he sell iz pub chine when e got offad silly muney loik?

Brumtuner

No mention of 'One flew over the cuckoo's nest'?

Blimey.

Brumtuner

I was thinking of learning Tiptonese, av yow gorra web soit reckermundashun so's oi can lurn it quicka loik?

Brumtuner

What about the sonata though?

Brumtuner

Language of the Heavens?

Sounds horrible, all that saliva being gobbed about.

Brumtuner

Wel, basai'n syniad da i weld os oes 'na unrhyw ymwelwyr i'r safwe yma sydd yn siarad neu'n dysgu Iaith y Nefoedd! Efallai rydych chi'n dysgu'r piano trwy gyfrwng y Gymraeg :?: http://www.translation-guide.com/free_online_translators.php?from=Welsh&to=English "Well , he ' had been heartburn idea go...

Brumtuner

Pfffttt...... In my opinion (based on fact and 30+ years experience), it hardly matters what type of wood is used. Ok, you wouldn't use balsa or ebony, but face it, there's hardly any wood in a hammer head so therefore it's all down to the felt used..... weight, density, flexibility etc. I've 'knock...